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 Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan 
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FT Phenom
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Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 3:06 pm
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Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
Hello FT,

Thanks to everyone who keep bumping this. I hadn't read it before. It was so helpful.

It has been 2 years since my diagnosis and I am still working on acceptance. I have gone through the 4 stages over and over. I know I have fully gone through denial. I spent some years there in denial refusing to see a Dr. knowing I had Fibro before diagnosis, as so many people do.

The article talks about therapy. I am currently going to a counselor. I want to learn once and for all, how to fully accept myself with this illness. And, it will totally depend on how I choose to think. I want to get a life! One in which I will be happy. I realized if I keep fighting this, I will never be happy.

C is the new A!! I also had horrible guilt, thinking I had failed has a wife. My therapist picked up on this right away. She said instead of giving yourself and F, why don't you take a new look at this. You were an A, now your a C, but C is the new A! This has helped very much. I hope it will help someone else. I can't help it that I am a C now, but it doesn't mean I am still not an A. :hart

Blessings,
Lucyann


Sun Dec 19, 2010 2:32 pm
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Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
"There is a path before you now.

Life's circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be.The pattern of life does not necessarily go as you plan.Beyond any understanding , you may at times be led in different directions that you never imagined , dreamed,or designed.Yet if you have never put any effort into choosing a path , or tried to carry out your dream , then perhaps you would have no direction at all.

Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction your life has taken , accept the fact that there is a path before you now.Shake off the ''why's'' and ''what if's'' ,and rid yourself of confusion.Whatever was- is in the past.Whatever is - is what's important.The past is a brief reflection.The future is yet to be realized.Today is here."

Walk your path one step at a time - with courage , faith , and determination.Keep your head up , and cast your dreams to the stars.Soon your steps will become firm and your footing will be solid again.A path that you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction you could have ever hoped to follow.

Keep your belief in yourself and walk into your new journey.You will find it magnificent , spectacular , and beyond your wildest imaginings.


Vicki Silvers.


Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:33 am
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Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
:diz<QUOTE... Keep your belief in yourself and walk into your new journey.You will find it magnificent , spectacular , and beyond your wildest imaginings.>UNQUOTE....

LUCYANN,
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU GOT THIS POST FROM?....BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.....A LOT OF IT WAS GOOD, BUT THIS BIT I WOULD IGNOR...SORRY! BUT IT JUST IS '''NOT'' LIKE THIS AT ALL IN REAL LIFE....

PLEASE MY DEAR DON'T '''''TRY PUTTING ROSE COLORED GLASSES ON FMS""" BECAUSE IT IS JUST NOT THE CASE,....I WISH IT WAS....

I THINK THE BIG KEY TO HELPING ONE'S SELF WITH THIS DD IS ...PACING, PACING, PACING!.....DON'T EXPECT ''TO MUCH FROM YOUR SELF'',....ALL YOU CAN DO IS TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME & ONLY DO THE BEST YOU FEEL YOU CAN DO...(DON'T PUSH YOURSELF TO ''DO'' THINGS EVER),.....TAKE YOUR TIME, & IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT & IT IS ''NOT'' THAT IMPORTANT.................DON'T DO IT!( & NEVER FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU DON'T!)......................

ENJOY THE ''SMALLER'' JOYS IN LIFE, THE ONES THAT WHEN YOU WERE WELL YOU WERE TO BUSY TO'' EVEN SEE''....................THEY ARE OUT THERE..............ENJOY THE PIECE & QUIET..............MUSIC...............MEDITATION.........BIRDS SONGS.THE LIST IS ENDLESS.

BUT MOST OF ALL DON'T WEAR ''BLINKERS'' THERE WILL BE DAYS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP, IT WILL GET ROUGH & VERY HARD TO BEAR...........OH! YOU WILL SURVIVE!..
BUT THESE DAYS ''WILL' HAPPEN''.............HAVE A 'BACK UP PLAN IN PLACE FOR WHEN FMS REARS IT'S UGLY HEAD,................AS IT WILL....

ENJOY THE ''GOOD DAYS'' EVERY MOMENT.....BUT EASY DOES IT....

NEVER '''STRESS'''..............''''THIS IS FIBRO'S BEST FRIEND!!!!''' :doh ...............TRY TO WORK OUT YOUR LIFE & ALL THAT GOES WITH IT INTO A ''STRESS FREE ZONE'''..............NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO DO EVERYTHING, AS STRESS IS A PART OF LIFE.................BUT LESSON WHAT YOU CAN.

LUV WENDY OZ XXX :hug


Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:19 pm
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Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 3:06 pm
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Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
Wendy
I wouldn't have expected a negative reaction to such beautiful words.

I put this here in hopes it would help with acceptance of this illness, not to have someone drag it through the dirt. Why can't one have a magnificent and spectacular life with this illness? Is it better wallow in self pity and bitch? How is this working for you?

These support groups are all the same. Instead of support I end up getting judgment from some negative Nel who ruins my day. I can get more support from my cat.

I know what Fibro is, and I know there are bad times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been going through one of the worst times since I became ill the past couple of months. I am TRYING to come out of depression, gain acceptance and be happy.

I don't need this type of "support". Thanks anyway.



Fri Dec 24, 2010 11:02 am
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Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
:console LUCYANN,
I AM GLAD YOU GOT ALL THAT ''ANGER''' OUT ALSO''!!!!

''''DO NOT JUDGE THIS WONDERFUL SUPPORT GROUP''''' THROUGH JUST ONE POST THAT '''DID NOT'''' FULLY AGREE WITH ALL THAT WAS WRITTEN!!! :shrug

AS YOU STATED < "THESE SUPPORT GROUPS ARE ALL THE SAME">...

NOPE NOT THIS ONE MY DEAR, IT'S THE VERY BEST THERE IS! :thumbsup


HAVE A ''GOOD LIFE'''.....................


Fri Dec 24, 2010 10:05 pm
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Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
Dear lucyann,
I am sorry.....I think what you wrote was uplifting and positive! :thumbsup

Having a good outlook is half the battle in any disease! There is life after any "disease"....I know for a fact as my husband is living proof! :yahoo

Please know that your outlook does and did help!! Am sorry you feel a need to leave here....but I understand...I wish you better and happier days....you sound positive and strong...don't let this DD run your life.....we can have better days....always! Your posts are helpful to many!

:hug
Flip


Mon Dec 27, 2010 5:03 pm
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Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:52 pm
Posts: 1165
Location: Florida
Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
:hi lucy,

I find enjoy reading your posts. I find them encouraging, uplifting & encourages me.

I too feel like you do. If I want to believe that I could jump up & reach for the stars, the moon, or the sun, then mentally I will try.

I know that you feel like this is just a any other site, in a sense you r right, as sit is just a site, the only difference between sites is it's members.

We all come in all shapes, feel differently on certain issues. We change from day to day, sometimes we wake up hurting so much that it's hard for some to c beyond the pain or anything else. We r all like shoes, take a look, try them on for size, if you can use them, take them, those that you can't use, then just leave them behind.

Please keep working on your depression. I too get depressed from time to time & it's reading posts such as yours is what helps me through the dark, deep well.

If you feel that you can jump up & down & grab a star, keep on jumping, even if u have to use a trampaline, maybe some more of us will join u on it.

TCOYS & WUAR&LPD
BOO

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Tue Dec 28, 2010 11:19 am
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Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 3:06 pm
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Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
Happy New Year!

Thank you to all of you who replied to my post. I appreciate all of your positive comments.

Trying to stay positive is the only way I have found I can deal with Fibro. My mind is a place I have control when my body does not seem to cooperate any longer. The better I feel mentally, the better I feel in my body.

I subscribe in my email to a website called positive thoughts. I read one or 2 every day as well as read books on how to keep the mind healthy. I've also mentioned therapy which has been so helpful for me.

Keep reaching for the stars :ty

C IS THE NEW A!!!

Lucyann


Thu Dec 30, 2010 12:57 pm
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Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:52 pm
Posts: 1165
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Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
THANK You so much lucy.

Yes, we do need something possitive to keep our spirits & our hopes up.

It is so easy to let this get the best of us. I feel like you do, it might effect me physically but I try to fight it all the way mentally.

I think that if I didn't I would easily become a crabby old fart that no one would want to be around.

Again, thank you for sharing & giving us another chance.

TCOYS & WUAR&LPD
boo

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Thu Dec 30, 2010 1:06 pm
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Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
The worst I have felt this year and its more down to having a cold then fibro. Its one bad cold though, I call it Man flu!!!!! *sick*

You know I was having a wonderful streak of not getting colds and things for a good while, now all of a sudden this has come along and hit me like a tonne of bricks. Should have known after not getting sufficient sleep really since the beginning of the year that something would be at the end of it. Thank god I realised that my amitrypline wasn't helping- I felt drugged up on that most of the time in day dreams and it wasn't helping me sleep anymore,

Now its just me and my duloxetine which I am certain makes me grind my teeth, I have a feeling Ive been grinding my teeth and chewing the inside of my cheeks more and more since the stress of FM started. And I am FED UP WITH THIS COLD WEATHER!!!!! :brr My forever Hopeful inner child is praying for The sun to come out :pray

Still looking forward to that time of the first site of the lady bird to mean the beginning of a new page in our lives. Whilst Ive been unwell this week I am keen to start my spring cleaning (dON'T WORRY I HAVE ONLY STARTED ON THE COB WEBBS IN THE MIND) as in getting my mind prepared for a new out look and new ideas on how to get better, find strength etc.

Just wondering what others are thinking of after easter? Does anyone have any ideas as to what they might do when the spring arrives? *thanks*


Wed Apr 03, 2013 1:03 pm
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Post Re: Coming to Terms with a Life You Didn't Plan
This thread was a rough one for me to read. I guess it showed me gaps in myself where I haven't taken a good look at.

I thank everyone for their points of view and examples.

I am seeing for the first time some areas, like how I cope with pain, that I need strategies for. Some decisions to make and somethings to discuss with my partner. Wow, I feel there IS hope now. Dropping the unrealistic dream of being an A and seizing the ability to be a great C is a new and potentially valuable point for me.

Depression is something I battle being bipolar. Last year my meds failed and I didn't realize it and my next door neighbor saved me from suicide. It was a close call. Without my meds I am seriously fxxxked up crazy. Depression is nothing to ignore. Periodically my meds need readjustment.

Positive uplifting words, books, movies, posting, emails and conversations are extremely valuable for depressed people. Dear ft folks let's be loving, kind, and uplifting to each other. You never know when you will be down and someone's words ease your depression and help you cope.

ME and CFS etc don't destroy us. It seems like it. We need something to blame. We lose so much to these DD, pain, fatigue, etc. Take a huge toll. But the spark of life, our soul self, our higher self, our spirit can stay alive and active if we let it. Hang on to your inner self whatever you call it, what ever your religious belief.

Sorry that seems a bit preachy.

I smile at BJ my partner, I laugh at funny things on tv, I feel thankful for food, tea, water, I send love to family and friends, I read spiritual things, enjoy my pets, and suffer in pain. I am not just pain. Seems like it at times. But if I pray, or stop and breathe I remind myself pain, the illnesses I have are NOT all I am.

That part of me is still an A.

The physical body, my fat, fatigue, pain, arthritic toes and hips, the agony, inability to clean house, difficulty in being a loving partner are C level I am not who in body I want(ed) to be. I am not capable of so much but the love I have in my heart, the care I feel for others, the joy I feel from family, friends, people on forums and the gratitude I feel for running hot water, flushing toilets, stoves, washers and dryers, cars, food, A/C and heat. These things make me glad I'm alive. I feel lucky and unlucky. I wish I was a renowned world loved poet. Not going to happen but once in awhile I still write a poem.

There's only one outcome for all of us, death. I try to live as happy as I can in the mean time.

We are strong warriors. It's hard to remember that when we are in fog or pain or asleep, or suffering however.

In that we are A's. Strong warriors enduring the unendurable.
Sending each of you love and a songbird to bring you a blessed spring or fall depending on which hemisphere you live in.
Graylady

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Sat Apr 06, 2013 3:45 am
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